LilDave Thinks

You might not know it if you look out of the window, but it’s summertime! And that means it’s time for Lildave’s invaluable holiday travel tips…

1. Book a hotel

I know, I know, sounds kind of obvious right, but it’s so tempting to just ‘sort it when you get there’. The amount of money I’ve cost myself wandering aimlessly around various points of the world trying to find accommodation is staggering. Book before you go and you’ll get a better deal and the piece of mind that you won’t be wandering the streets of Monte Carlo at 1.30am trying to find a hotel for less than €700 a night (a purely hypothetical example, of course!)

I’d also strongly recommend finding out exactly where your hotel is before you set off. I will never forget spending hours in the freezing cold traipsing over every bridge and down every alleyway in Venice trying to find my f%$@ing hotel, before finally giving up and booking into a new one at 3.30am.

2. Go with the flow, research is for scientists

While planning trips, a lot of people get up to all sorts of nonsense research beforehand – the best restaurants, the best bars etc. Nits, the lot of them. Where’s your sense of adventure? I don’t want to be told that Sapphire is the best strip club in Vegas by TripAdvisor, I wanna find out myself. Sure, you’ll find yourself in a few dodgy clubs and have the odd bad meal, but you’ll have way better stories than all these Google bitches.

3. Don’t Skimp, Think MORALE!

This really is my most crucial travel tip – people’s frugal nature can often override common sense. Flights are the main one. I live in Leeds and when I go to Vegas, I travel from Manchester. Flights from Manchester are generally 10-12% more expensive than from Gatwick, so the spendthrift in me wants to go to Gatwick, and on the way there this is a fine move. However, on the journey home I’m likely to be jet-lagged, suffering from the ‘leaving Vegas Blues’ and, of course, there’s a decent chance I’ll have done my bollocks out there and will be on raging tilt. Do I really want to put myself at Gatwick, 3.5 hours away from my home?

The way to quantify how to budget for this is to ask yourself how much you’d pay to click your fingers and be home. Whatever the answer is you can use that to budget for return leg morale restoration!

4. Tipping? It’s all in the currency!

A problem many people have on their travels is adjusting to local etiquette and tipping is often a big point of contention. After years of bumbling around giving bell boys singles and doormen hundreds, I’ve figured it out… It’s all in the currency. In the US they have $1 bills that are designed entirely for tipping – sliding them subtly into the hand of the guy who opens the hotel door for you, or sleazily inserting them into the undergarments of a young lady as she dances on a pole. At a modest 62-68p a pop, be very liberal – when in doubt, tip!

Europe is a different kettle of fish. The smallest note is a five, which now sets you back a whopping £4.10! Obviously, you can’t revert to tipping in coins, so you’re forced to only tip when you deem £4.10+ worth of service has been done. You have to be very sure before you tip on the continent.

5. Get It Loudly!

So you’re going away and it’s going to be sick… tell people about it! You’ve arrived, it’s amazing – tell people! The only reason Facebook and Twitter exist is so everyone can chirp about what they’re doing. So brag away.

Hopefully all of these tips will help you this summer – see you all at the Rhino (it’s the best one, trust me!)

After finally resolving my new site’s technical issues you can read all about the last two month’s exploits, a weekend at the races, a stag do, a lifelong dream completed, a big sports bet, some huge cash game pots and a week in Monte Carlo – only at

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